Note: Remember this video is for educational purposes only and does not replace therapy.
Hello Families! Welcome to my Parenting V-blog! I’m Victoria, a master of marriage & family counselor out in Brentwood, Tn. I specialize in working with kids & teens, and parents.
Today's topic is Kids & Big Feelings: Helping them ride the Feelings Wave.
I am providing tips on how to help your kids manage big feelings. These tips can be used with any age but are geared for ages 6-11. This age group developmentally can express feelings but not yet at the level an adult can.
Teaching kids how to manage their feelings is like training for a marathon. The training is a long-distance run, not a short sprint. It takes practice.
The Melt Down:
You asked little Sara to get off the video game or told Jimmy it is time to leave the event. Then comes, “I hate you, I don't want to, you're the worst parent ever…" and so on. Perhaps, they are throwing things, slamming doors, stomping of feet, and they are not toddlers anymore. Those are the big feelings showing up. Those feelings are buckling into the driverside of your kid's emotional car and taking the wheel. Your cool kid holds on for dear life on the passenger side. You want them to learn how to regain driverside control and stop reckless emotional driving. The idea is to help them learn overtime to manage their emotions and behavior within the means of the situation. Learn how to ride that feeling wave!
Then, the next time you tell Sara to end the video game, she says, “uh (frustrated tone)…I feel mad I have to get off, but I know it is dinner time.” And there is the progress!
You want your kids to be able to learn to calm themselves down, be less explosively reactive, and learn to roll with change: rather than having meltdowns.
When working with teens and kids, I like to help them get to know their feelings, especially the big ones asking,” which is your anger”?
“Does anger show up like Wreck-it Ralph or the Hulk?” I typically get a laugh, and then they let me know which one shows up or provide me with a different example.
While kids and teens are working hard in and out of session to manage their big feelings, I help parents and adults in their life learn how to guide their kids along the way. Moving forward, here are 3-tips to get started helping your kiddos learn how to ride those big feeling waves!
Looking for feelings charts? You can look here.