I Was That Kid: A Story Of Undiagnosed ADHD
Victoria Valdez -Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
My Childhood
As a child, I was considered a "handful". Adults who remember me as a young child tell me my father was always "behind me," telling me, "No Victoria," "Get down from there," and "You can't do that." The words that were used to describe me by my family, my peers, and teachers where mostly what is listed below:
Traviesa | Tremenda | Necia >>> Stubborn/hardheaded | Trouble maker | Terrible
Wild | Never listens | Something Wrong With Her | Dumb | Liar | Lazy | Never Shuts Up | Too Loud
What I rarely heard was someone tell me as a child that I was:
- Curious, Full of Life,
- Fearless, Free, Creative,
- Imaginative, Friendly, Musical,
- Kind, Adventurous, Smart
It took me till my late adulthood to realize I was not what I was told as a child. It wasn't until I started my healing journey that I was able to peel back the poisoned roots that had rotted and strangled the core of who I believed I was. Those words that people in my family system, school, and childhood friends used to define me had planted firmly in the building of my core belief system.
Core beliefs are what we think and believe about ourselves, how we view ourselves, and how we believe the world sees us. These core beliefs are shaped, developed, and engraved inside of us by our childhood experiences. Suppose we as children had an overload of negative experiences and were influenced by an environment that was not warm, loving, and supportive. In that case, we develop negative core beliefs about ourselves. These negative core beliefs sabotage our relationships, success, and well-being. We often unintentionally carry over these to our children.
As a child, I struggled in the classroom to stay in my seat, complete homework on time or at all, stay on task, manage my time, keep things organized, manage my emotions, keep my hands to myself, keep from breaking things, and keep away from dangerous activities. I was always on the go to the next exciting activity, and no one could even dare to tell me it was time to leave or stop. I was frequently suspended from the school bus for inappropriate behavior. I was having too much fun tying the high school students' shoes together at the back of the bus, switching out people's backpacks, and hanging half my body outside the bus window. It was so fun at the moment that I could not stop considering my actions and their consequences on myself or others. No, from my parents, in my mind, it was like a Yes. I nearly failed every year from kindergarten through middle school (I attended summer school every summer), and it felt like no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't pass. Those around me told me I was dumb. No one ever considered or was curious about what was happening underneath my behaviors. I felt like a burden to everyone, someone flawed, always messing up and making mistakes, never good enough.
My Oldest Is Diagnosed With ADHD
It was around the time my oldest was diagnosed with ADHD that I had the Ah-Ha moment. He reminded me of me as a child, only a less extreme version. I noticed something unique and challenging about his behaviors. When he entered the school system, it became even more difficult. He was 7 years old when he was diagnosed with ADHD, and I found out I had it, too.
Everything started to make sense for me. And I wanted to make sure as a parent that my interactions with him would never make him feel the way I thought as a child. And I know that I would never be a perfect parent. It was during this time I was starting my counseling education and decided then and there I would specialize in ADHD treatment. I was determined to take as many counseling training courses as possible and read as many professional books on ADHD for children and adults. I started focusing on my own ADHD treatment alongside my child. I found what worked for me and for both of my children with ADHD. Surprise, I have three children in total, two with ADHD.
ADHD Passion
It's my passion to help children and adults learn to believe that they are not dumb, worthless, lazy, and unmotivated. I help them develop the tools they need to succeed with the fantastic, beautiful, unique brain we have. I help them identify the growth areas where they need the most support and build bridges to success—uniquely theirs. I help them learn to see their ADHD as a beautiful brain uniquely designed and needing its own path in life.
In Therapy with Children
To Parents:
My goal is to help you accept your child just as they are—beautifully unique. I want you to learn to parent them through a lens designed for your child to feel loved, nurtured, supported, and seen by you. I provide you with the parenting tools you need to meet your child where they are at and help them build their bridge to success.
I help them with the following:
- Build confidence
- Learn to manage their big feelings
- Learn skills to manage their distractibility & impulsivity
- Problem solve
- Build self-awareness
Therapy with Parents:
When you bring me your teen or children with ADHD, know that I am working with you as well. You are one of the most significant when building a bridge to success alongside your child.
I help parents:
- Learn strategies to parent from a positive, nurturing, supportive lens
- Develop a strategy for home routines, homework success, and handling challenging behavior
- Develop a healthy relationship with their child
Therapy for Women with ADHD
I help women:
- Identify their growth areas and develop skills to improve these areas
- Develop routines that work well for ADHD
- Build emotional management skills for when emotions are high
- Develop strategies to improve motivation
- Learn strategies to improve focus and attention
- Build Self-esteem
I provide LENS Neurofeedback in conjunction with therapy. Lens Neurofeedback helps the ADHD brain function more efficiently. LENS Neurofeedback improves:
- Memory
- Increase motivation
- Improves sleep
- Regulates the brain's emotional system
- Calm down the nervous system
- Improve organization & planning brain-based skills
- Improves attention and focus